@Cheeseboy22: The greatest joy you can feel as a parent is when you get the call that they've canceled your kid's Saturday sporting event.
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@backporchlady: Asking me if I want a bag for the box of tampons I just bought is like asking me if they're for here or to go.
@CulturedRuffian: Paula Hawkins: What should I call my book about a girl on a train? Publicist: Let's call the guy who named the movie 'Snakes On A Plane'.
@ddsmidt: Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says "oh, you want to see crazy?" Reassure her that you do not.
@WhtUReallyMean: I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic.