@Cheeseboy22: The greatest joy you can feel as a parent is when you get the call that they've canceled your kid's Saturday sporting event.
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@shawnspree: To catch a woman, one must think like a woman. *places glass of wine, and Channing Tatum dvd on mouse trap
@jake_lach: When I was 12 I ate a bee to impress a girl, and she just sent me a friend request on Facebook. So, mission accomplished.
@TitansHomer: My cousin: "i just closed a big deal today that is going to make me a ton of money!" Me: "some guy name Queef Nuggets RTed me"