@Vodkantots: The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday.
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@Jarhead44: If you're not following me and received this tweet, it's because someone is smarter than you.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee
@TheMichaelRock: I just had a coughing fit and think I accidently created a Nicki Minaj song featuring Ke$ha. Sorry, you guys.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm just a girl, with a baseball bat, smashing my internet modem into a gazillion pieces.