@TheDreamGhoul: the guy at the liquor store didn't card me and it hurt my feelings so I said I was a cop and idk what to do next we're just standing here
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@UniqueDude2: WAITER: Your honor, when I said "enjoy your meal" he said "you too" ME: it was a mistake JUDGE: he gets half your meal W: thanks J: you too
@RealLucasNeff: [The Bachelor] Some of you will be getting roses tonight... [bee in the back] AW HELL YEAH
@rolldiggity: Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. So GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE!