@12ozCourage: The guy at the urinal next to me must really like my wrist watch.
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@Bexdora: Is that a pineapple in your pocket, or are you just....Why do you have a pineapple in your pocket?
@bourgeoisalien: I feel like maybe if God didn't spend all his time helping people win at sports and awards shows he'd have time to fix some shit
@AIanHangover: Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.
@13spencer: I'm sick and I'm going to work today; so if there's some kind of Contagion-level outbreak, I'm your patient-zero.