@myles_morrison: The guy behind me at the grocery store only had energy drinks, root beer & gummie lifesavers, so I asked how far into assassins creed he was
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@ComedicBust: [hiding in a pantry during a robbery] Wife: [terrified and crying] Me: [eating fat free Cheez-Its] I seriously can't taste the difference.
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this.
@rickygervais: Suggested Thanksgiving Conversation starters: "Which God are we thanking again?" You're welcome :)