@gg21462: The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
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@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that if she has any problems she can talk to me like she talks to her girlfriends so we're discussing why I'm such a idiot.
@ItsAndyRyan: Judge: For the crimes you have committed you will go to prison for 10 years Me: That's a long sentence! Judge: Ok - "you get 10 years"
@iGreenMonk: To Do List : 1: Buy 4 Pigs 2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs 3: Release them in Wal-Mart 4: Sit back watch Security search for #4