@gg21462: The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
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@TheHyyyype: Hard to believe the Cubs last won the World Series 108 years ago. Most of them don't look a day over 30.
@Jmboyd58: *driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
@Bill_Nye_Tho__: there's literally no way to know for sure how many chameleons are chillin in your house right now
@Dutch_50: I'm at a point in my life where I admire the majestic full trees in my yard and marvel at the amount of leaves I'll need to rake.