@drewtoothpaste: me, 1988: my dad calls everything by the wrong name. why doesn't he know what anything is me: 2018: calling my kid's mindcraft game "computer legos" is way funnier than saying mindcraft and it pisses her off every time

@Connan22: Rule: Grown men should not use "lol" in a convo with another male.

@HatfieldAnne: You've ripped the husband stick figure off your minivan, but also the cat stick figure. This is a story I want to hear.

@stevevsninjas: Iron Man died in a house fire from leaving himself on.

@deIuge: it's may 17. what's next? may 18? i didn't sign up for this