@kirkdiedrich: The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway.
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@wendchymes: Just once I want a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed WITHOUT all the groaning, swearing and yelling out "DEAR GOD MY BACK!"
@dihorla: I'm dreaming of getting rich like my father. Wow your dad must be a rich man. No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.
@MourningGlory_: Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail. JK It was me.
@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes "Don't you mean catlike reflexes?" [several hours later] No
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