@kirkdiedrich: The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway.
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@drewtoothpaste: me, 1988: my dad calls everything by the wrong name. why doesn't he know what anything is me: 2018: calling my kid's mindcraft game "computer legos" is way funnier than saying mindcraft and it pisses her off every time
@HatfieldAnne: You've ripped the husband stick figure off your minivan, but also the cat stick figure. This is a story I want to hear.