@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"
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@dizzydes86: Everybody always says they want a fairytale wedding, but when I show up and curse their newborn, suddenly I'm a jerk.
@eskimo_tekillya: I recently bought a corset to spice up my sex life. Once I've learned how to breathe in the damn thing I'll tell you how it worked out.
@weinerdog4life: As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald's Playland ball pit