@angeliav68: The guy next door just put up his Christmas lights... I bet he's pissed because I beat him, I put mine up 5 years ago..
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@JohnHilsen: Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday.
@UNTRESOR: Why bother drinking water? You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.
@Rollmaninoz: Boss: ok just bear with me *I growl and start clawing the air* B: wtf are you doing Me: I..You said.. B:first ‘snail mail’ now this..Just go
@BlindChow: 911: what's your emergency? me: what's YOUR emergency? 911: *starts crying* omg no one's ever asked me that before! me: jk I've been stabbed