@maisonshouting: *thinks my friend Liz’s full first name is Lizard* Lizard. Listen to me. Why are you laughing. Lizard be serious. Lizard please

@iamchrisscott: A good comeback when someone doesn't believe you're a time traveler is "Yeah well nobody cried at your funeral."

@peteholmes: playing too much GTA. starting to see traffic as "options."

@Consent2Treat: I could tell my parents truly loved me as a child. My bath toys were a toaster, radio and a blow dyer.

@Dawn_M_: How much longer must I pretend to understand the eclipse, this is exhausting.