@robfee: If you laugh at a kid's joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.

@pattymo: *cocks shotgun* I asked you a question: in order to ride a pug would you rather be shrunk to its size or have it grown to your size

@Brentweets: San Andreas is just like Godzilla only Godzilla is invisible

@OctopusCaveman: I'm thinking about getting a dog so I'm not the only one in this household who goes apeshit when the pizza guy rings the doorbell.

@Bob_Janke: Paris Hilton is worried ISIS will target her because she's famous. Paris Hilton doesn't realize that ISIS didn't exist in 2004.