@AndyAsAdjective: the guy who came up with the name “eggnog” should get to name more things
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@BlondAmbitionTO: I wonder if serial killers watch Criminal Minds like chefs watch the Food Network: "Oh, bad move, I'd have done it this way..."
@somecleverthing: I just had the thought "pfft. Your father can't die before you are born," and I believed it for a full minute. Because I'm smert.
@mind_numb: I'm going start wearing a cape instead of headphones to deter people from talking to me.
@ShortSleeveSuit: Friend: Can you give me a ride? Me: I'll give your MOM a ride! [Later] Me: So Mrs. Tromlhorn, anywhere else besides the dentist?