@AndyAsAdjective: the guy who came up with the name “eggnog” should get to name more things
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@david8hughes: [at the gun store] Me: I'll take that gun & a box of ammo Clerk: that'll be $250 Me [with a gun & a box of ammo]: no
@mantej: Why would anyone ever think gay people tear apart the fabric of society? They love fabric.
@: [Changes Siri to male] ME: Siri, tell me the— MALE SIRI: Listen, here’s what you need to know. ME: I… MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I’m speaking