@KelgoreTrout: the guy who named the spatula was so lazy. hes like "what should i call this thing that spatulas?"
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@RexHuppke: I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American.
@jctwritesstuff: *hears Siren's song* *eyes glaze* *walks in a trance ten miles* *breaks window to donut shop* I'm here, Mistress. *eats everything* *dies*
@ilovepie84: When I play rock paper scissors I always pick Rock because Dwayne Johnson shows up and punches my opponent.
@TheBoydP: Coworker: Did you spank your sons? Me: Not a lot Coworker: What about your wife? Me: Yes, I spanked her all the time Coworker: ...