@samalmightysam: The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they'll erase what they did during the week.
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@UncleDuke1969: 2 Smurfs stand over a body... "What happened?" "Choked on a sandwich." "Nobody helped?" "No." "Didn't they see him turning bl-" "..." "Oh."
@GreenishDuck: Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.
@SoVeryBritish: Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed