@Maxine12333: The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
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@amydillon: I hope my teeth enjoy these 3 minutes of minty freshness before their 8-hour coffee bath.
@mrsmith196645: I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me.
@DanMentos: Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart. Sorry it's so hard to read I should really find a pen
@abbycohenwl: Guy: How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Do you know yet? Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more