@Swishergirl24: The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your brows are on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your FACE is on fleek. Teen: Thanks! Me: God damn it.
@ExBoltsFan: I imagine hooking up with you would be like asparagus. I’d forget you quickly but be reminded every time I pee.