@2questionable: The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
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@KalvinMacleod: [school] TEACHER: how was your summer? STUDENT: great, I grew a foot TEACHER: that’s cool, can I see it?
@bytaylorcox: A "lady" and a "woman" are exactly the same thing unless they are prefaced with cat.
@50ShadesGran: Suddenly she was on her back, clothes strewn everywhere and her wrists bound to her ankles. She always had trouble hanging out the washing.