@2questionable: The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
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@GypsyWingss: Mom: a little birdie told me you got drunk last night Me: you're the one friggen talking to birds
@SteveDutzy: Hey, we never talked in high school! Let's be Facebook friends so we can once again never talk! JUST LIKE OLD TIMES!
@shashaintl: 10's homework question: "Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?" His answer: "My mom."
@tastefactory: COP:Do u know how fast u were going ME: The posted speed limit, 495 COP: Sir that's the route number, i don't even know how I caught up to u