@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
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@Gooooats: Me: I heard you like men with a huge collection of words that they know and can say. Her: A vocabulary? Me: A what?
@ninjadinosaur1: I think I want to be a ballerina. Or a fire dancer. Or I want to set a ballerina on fire. I don't know. I'm still working it out.
@truegritrumble: DATE: I think nervous boys are cute. ME: *responding with confidence for the first time in my life* Excellent! DATE: This date is over.
@StarksWeek: "Holy shit, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.