@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
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@autocorrects: You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt.
@MorganJ7: Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread
@pauleggleston: Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob* Wife: What are these? Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.