@mydaughtersarmy: The horror and trauma of explaining homosexuality to a child, as told by an internet mom.
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@IGotsSmarts: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE BEING TURNED INTO GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES RIGHT NOW!
@GrantTanaka: I keep a knife in my Bible so if someone wants to kill me, I ask to read it & when I get to the 6th Commandment, I stab them in the face.
@ambermruffin: Now that the Statue of Liberty is dark, there's no way they're letting her into the U.S.
@neiltyson: If Bears ruled the world, I wonder if they would care whether or not the Humans they mauled were free-range.