@mydaughtersarmy: The horror and trauma of explaining homosexuality to a child, as told by an internet mom.
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@girlontapas: One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food... Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge.
@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
@TomItUp: "Objection your honor, the defense is badg-" BADGERING THE WITNESS! JINX! You can't talk. *Judge gives a respectful nod* "Case dismissed."