@TheDailySchmuck: The horror of hearing the anesthesiologist say, "YOLO," as he puts you under.
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@KeetPotato: you can basically just make up facts as long as they're about animals.. cows can't look left. you don't know
@rachellinfox: Sister posted on FB: pray for me, I have a test tomorrow. My comment: it's cheating if Jesus helps you. Solidifying my black sheep status
@MrMichaelRose: I went to Lowe's to buy a human-sized microwave & the guy loudly said they don't exist & then took me to a back room & they had lots of them
@joci2203: Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle.