@TheDailySchmuck: The horror of hearing the anesthesiologist say, "YOLO," as he puts you under.
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@jonnysun: WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him ME: ok [drives to hospital] ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one
@noog: Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
@ceejoyner: A solid knife fighting strategy is to move clockwise in increasingly larger circles until you reach a safe running distance.
@OddMarc: If you don't walk sideways chanting 'crab people' when holding tongs, we can't be friends.