@KentWGraham: The huge spider I bravely killed for my wife turned out to be a piece of thread. I'm not telling her.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thetits: Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it
@thatdutchperson: Someone rang my doorbell twice this morning, so I guess I'm having lunch behind the couch.
@PaperWash: "are you sure these x-rays are safe?" [doctor 12 feet away behind a lead wall] you're fine
@WheelTod: Hate it when you're getting rad footage of an accident scene to put on Facebook & some loser says "Hey, aren't you the paramedic we called?"