@KentWGraham: The huge spider I bravely killed for my wife turned out to be a piece of thread. I'm not telling her.
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@realHamOnWry: Not to brag, but I never had to take a vow of celibacy. It just kinda happened naturally.
@TheWadest: Me: *unfreezes cro-magnon woman I uncover on an arctic expedition* Cro-magnon woman: "I have a boyfriend."
@TheAlexNevil: Parenting Hack: slide a little cash your kid's teacher's way, & all of his crafts projects will "mysteriously" disappear after being graded.
@GoldenSpirals: Ask a man if he's critiquing your work... Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you. Single Men say: Yes Married Men: Try to hide