@shariv67: The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That’s how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.
@Jeff_G_Nixon: 3yr old: [whispering] I have a secret "What it is, sweetie?" 3: [shouting] I POOPED! "Do you know what a secret is?" 3: [whispering] no.
@KentWGraham: ME: My New Year’s resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) …vegetables.