@shariv67: The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
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@KeetPotato: would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win £2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] "no thanks"
@cowyfwame: I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
@sdurbin23: Fun fact: Taking a box of condoms to the pharmacist's window and asking for the fitting room will get you thrown out of Target.
@OfficeofSteve: When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines