@shariv67: The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
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@alli_win: There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are also sharks, giant isopods, oil spills, Flight 370, and Somali pirates.
@thepunningman: Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time
@TeeJayRush: Laughing at your mistakes could lengthen your life. Laughing at your spouse's mistakes WILL shorten it...
@PuncherJetpack: "Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don't drink "You wanna be cool don't you?" I don't drink "C'mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop