@briangaar: The human body is 70 percent water?? *looks at a glass of water* damn girl
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@LittleLostLad: Kevin Spacey ordering a takeaway coffee from Starbucks and receiving the cup with 'Kevin E' written on the side.
@clarkekant: I wish everyone would stop vaccinating their children. It’s really cutting down these lines at Disneyland!
@peachgrenade: My wife is not happy with some of the comments in the anonymous suggestion box I attached our bed.
@SamuelHLowe: - 911,what's your emergency? - I'm out of beer! - That's no emergency. - Chest pain? - We'll send an ambulance. - Make sure they bring beer.