@briangaar: The human body is 70 percent water?? *looks at a glass of water* damn girl
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@TheRealRHB: Doctor: Any cancer in the family? Me: My mom is a Sagittarius, but I'll have to check on everyone else. Doc: ...
@bourgeoisalien: if someone asks you about yourself say "OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story" then just wander off
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then
@WilliamAder: It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.