@Scorpio1080: The Human Body Is 90% Water, So Basically We're Just Cucumbers With Anxiety" - Science Person
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@XplodingUnicorn: [5-year-old and 3-year-old scream at each other] Me: Is that how your mom and I settle arguments? 5: You want me to sleep on the couch?
@LouisPeitzman: If you can't handle me at my fattest, then you sure as hell don't deserve me if I ever lose weight. Which could happen, you don't know.
@ZombieProblms: Do zombies go to heaven when they die? I hope so. There's lots of nice people up there to eat.
@AyeGimp: Stand in a crowd, put your finger to your ear secret agent style, say out loud "target is in site!", see who panics.