@tdawks: The hurt I feel when someone leaves the bus seat next to mine for a newly empty one is almost exactly equal to my annoyance when they don't.
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@Rollinintheseat: Why do authors subtitle their books, "A Novel". Did someone look at their book one day and say "I thought this was a sandwich?"
@HelloJessicaFox: If you encounter a bear DON'T RUN. Maintain eye contact. Keep maintaining it. Fall in love. Marry the bear. Tell story to your grandbearbies
@kentgrossarth: Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
@AnkCoupleTO: I'm reexamining my life after buying 63 pounds of unsalted butter because it seems a little weird even by my standards