@tdawks: The hurt I feel when someone leaves the bus seat next to mine for a newly empty one is almost exactly equal to my annoyance when they don't.
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@shutupmikeginn: Like my therapist always says, "I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea"
@KeetPotato: [at my date's front door] wait, so you've known i was a koala the whole time? "yeah" [me clinging to her arm slowly eating a leaf] how tho?
@jergarl: You're doing really well now please pull into this liquor store do you want anything? -Me as a Drivers Ed teacher