@IAmMaggieMull: The idea that someone would be upset NOT to be invited to a wedding is so confusing to me.
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@NoTheOtherJohn: [God is taking a nap] Prankster Angel: Um yea hi, Abraham? This is God. *trying super hard not to laugh* You need to kill your son.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 2 year old wanted to race me home from daycare and I am TOTALLY winning. I don't even see her tricycle in my rear-view mirror.
@patnspankme: This orange juice says shake well before drinking. *shakes juice and puts back in fridge then opens beer
@Rebelling_Jyn: Why do I have to steal the Death Star plans? Nothing this big stays secret. Just Google them. There's probably a torrent somewhere.