@DanMentos: the idiots at NASA just hit Jupiter with one of their fireworks
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@aligarchy: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: would you like your receipt? ME: no thank you i don't want any proof that i've eaten here
@MarlonBrandNO: [In Bar] Friend: Your fly is down Me: I know, he's going through a messy divorce *glances to fly passed out among empty beer bottles*
@Dawn_M_: My friend got a tattoo of his wife's name so I guess he loves her as much as he loves barbed wire.