@DaveSirus: The Illuminati is the belief that the most powerful ppl on Earth are in a conspiracy to leave giant clues that they're part of a conspiracy.
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@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
@AndySandford: Other people are gettin these amber alerts, right? Like, it's not up to me to find these kids?
@UncleDuke1969: "I'm calling you because you're easy." "You're not even very good." "You're just the best I can do this late." Dominos: "Your order, Sir?"