@DaveSirus: The Illuminati is the belief that the most powerful ppl on Earth are in a conspiracy to leave giant clues that they're part of a conspiracy.
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@DanRegans: People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
@audipenny: friend: wish you were here! me, abruptly stopping whatever I'm doing and captaining a speedboat approaching your house: oh really
@McNarstle: "He's gone too far." "He crossed the line between science & ethics." "He's playing God." -reaction to the amount of cheese I put in omelets
@comer310: Orange: Knock knock Apple: Who's there? O: Orange A: Orange who? O: Orange you glad I didn't say Banana? A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!