@murrman5: "the immaturity and the copying are my main issues" I say in a whiny voice as my wife storms out of the counsellors office
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@desi_princess: Why is it whenever we see a police car, we drive like we have 10 kilos of cocaine and a stolen baby in the car?
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why didn't you talk to me about renting a bouncy house?! me [stops jumping]: You would have said no
@goodhairperson: [Guy goes on a date w me] Hm not sure if he likes me [13 more dates] Dunno? [Marries me] It's so confusing [Stays w me 30 yrs] How do u tell
@TheBananaFacts: Bananas will never talk shit about you. Not because they don't have mouths....but because they respect the choices you make.