@SonOfCha: The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Waitress: Would you prefer your order with a side of fries or salad? Me: Would you prefer your tip with cash or advice?
@KeetPotato: [a giant killer salmon is attacking the city] cop: [throws smoke bomb] me: "all you've done is make him extra delicious you idiot"
@UncleDuke1969: “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!” “Nope.” “A spider? An aardvark?” “Wrong. It’s a horse.” “Wow. You can’t draw for shit.”
@RichHarris2: You can't force someone to love you. All you can do is hire a panda suit and wait outside their window reading sonnets.