@weinerdog4life: The instructions for this tent is just a picture of a husband yelling at his wife, that's weird.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: I can’t run as fast as everybody else. Me: Why not? 3-year-old: I don’t have enough feet.
@CherBear162: "Remember Robert from work?" Yeah..he was a douche. "He died." WHAT?!? OMG..He was such a nice guy!
@FuckabillyRex: Gave a lady on the bus my seat and then sang Coldplay's Yellow to her and it was so emotional she had to get off at the next stop. ❤
@rockymomax: PHARAOH: we shall build religious monuments. they will baffle future science. SUBJECT: should we leave them a note to explain how we did it? PHARAOH: yes, take this down SUBJECT: ok PHARAOH: cat, dog, snake, bird, cat, man with the head of a cat, dog, cat, bird