@Kyle_Lippert: The inventor of Chapstick died today. Unfortunately his body was lost while being transferred to the morgue.
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@DaddyBeerGuy: Child protective services? Who's protecting the parents Huh? WHO'S PROTECTING THE PARENTS?
@matt___nelson: JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT
@michaelianblack: Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good.
@DurtMcHurtt: *attaches canes horizontally to dozens of old man walkers *watches slowest jousting match ever