@Kyle_Lippert: The inventor of Chapstick died today. Unfortunately his body was lost while being transferred to the morgue.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@audipenny: Him: you look tired today Me: you look like you need a mouth that says better sentences
@tigdonovan: Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit
@DoubtTommy: how much morning wood, would my girlfriend suck, if she ever sucked and if I had a girlfriend. Whatever.
@abbycohenwl: She: But WHY are you breaking up with me? Please tell me honestly. He (sigh): Ok It's...your "signature sex move" She: Judgmental Corpse?