@NicestHippo: The inventor of the toilet must've had a rough time at his presentation. "Oh here comes Gary with his poop throne idea"
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@myles_morrison: I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey.
@heatherlou_: I refuse to dismiss Thanksgiving. Any holiday dedicated to food & stretchy pants is worth celebrating.
@nbadag: *watching my hamster gnaw on his tiny broadsword* you are a disgrace to your lineage and bring great shame upon this house
@jnrbtsn: Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.