@UNTRESOR: The inventor of the USB cable died recently. They're still trying to figure out which way to put his casket in the ground.
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@Iwriteforcats: Me: How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Jeweler: 3 months salary on the stone. Me: *Duct tapes pile of Fruity Pebbles together.
@MyPornKhan: When folks unfollow me shortly after they've followed me I just figure they sobered up.