@Cowtuk: The iPhone 7 is water-resistant, has stereo sound and a better camera but it doesn't have that one feature that I want: affordability.
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@SaraMansford: So I called up the Captain, please bring me my wine. He said: "ma'am, this is a cruise. Please don't call me again if there's no emergency"
@ArfMeasures: ME: I've eaten a lot of spicy food GF: If u eat too much of it, u lose your sense of taste ME [watching Adam Sandler] haha he is so funny
@rolldiggity: Bully: "Hey, four eyes!" Me: "Don't you mean... fork eyes?" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]
@SondraDeeMe: I fake the art of fainting so well my favorite restaurant now refers to me as "Low Blood Sugar Girl" while rushing my limp body to a table.