@JohnPoveromo: The iWatch is awesome because it's the fastest way to let everyone know you used to have 500 dollars.
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@vladchoc: Nice try, theatre ad. But some of us don't need to put our phones on silent, for we have prevented calls with our deplorable personalities.
@upsidedowntrash: Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion texts: Please answer baby. Let me make this right.
@GaryJanetti: Before you tell me anything about your kid you should know I'm going to mentally leave my body.
@LifeStricken: How do I explain to this 5yo why it is of paramount importance to use the word kitty instead of pussy in his Mother's day card?