@JohnPoveromo: The iWatch is awesome because it's the fastest way to let everyone know you used to have 500 dollars.
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@nicfit75: Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Him: Ma'am, for the last time, we don't have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.
@clindsaysway: An obese old man who breaks into your house at night? A tiny flying woman who buys your dead teeth? It's a wonder children can sleep at all.