@extranapkins: The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago... on this very night
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@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
@Elizasoul80: [trial] Judge: how do you plead? "not guilty" J: but you've admitted to dropping an anvil on him. "he asked me to make him a pancake"
@TattleTSister: Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren't really going to use that ice pick you're carrying around.