@extranapkins: The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago... on this very night
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@Brianhopecomedy: Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I'm hesitant to start the car.
@BakedBrotatoes: Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she's ready.
@djdarrellripley: Him: You're a DJ? I'm not one for dancing. I've got this leg, you see? I've had it since the war. Me: How long have you had the other one?
@jordan_stratton: You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn't notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.