@ShittyComedian: The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight.
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@margolundy: Please tell me the grounds around mental hospitals have walking trails called psychopaths running through them.
@caseytduncan: If a turkey got murdered, the chalk outline would look like a giant preschooler's hand.
@NikiWithIssues: I don't see the point of being a godmother if the kid refuses to kiss my ring. I mean, what the hell?