@ShittyComedian: The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight.
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@snarkweek7: Sometimes I pick another language on the ATM to see if I can make it all the way thru. So I'm still broke, but now also in French.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [walks into a laundromat with a bag of popcorn kernels and heads straight to the dryers]
@kumailn: Did you know: Wi-Fi is short for "wireless fireless." Pre-wi-fi all internet was fire based. Firewall, firewire, "fire up the computer" etc.
@BrassBallsCJ: All these girls tweeting about going braless & I'm just over here on my back trying not to look like I have 2 bald guys in a headlock.