@curlycomedy: The Katy Perry song that goes, "You're hot and you're cold," was actually about a microwaveable burrito.
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@iGreenMonk: It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
@notalogin: Actually, Kara, love is an illusion created by chemical reactions. The most powerful force in the world is the invisible hand of the market.
@panmidwest: FRIEND: hey while I'm on vacation can you come over and feed the cat? ME: FRIEND: ME: to what?
@bromanconsul: a car just rolled by blasting the "Duck Tales" theme song so now I'm chasing after it and trying to catch up with my new best friend