@Staggfilms: THE KRAKEN: Yes, I’d like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
@robfee: I would watch a reality show that's nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski.
@Tmoney68: A big storm is coming & everyone's buying bread, milk, and eggs. Apparently you battle bad weather with French Toast.
@Jfficial: People laugh cause I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?
@Lhlodder: Lord help the person who honks at a mom while she’s strapping her kids in their car seats.
It was already gonna take an hour to get us ready, but now it might just take 2.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions.