@Staggfilms: THE KRAKEN: Yes, I’d like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
@IamEveryDayPpl: I opened a pistachio once...
Worst 37 minutes of my life.
@Diane_7A: The closest I've come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
@RandomManik: Everything brightened up when you came into our presence.
- Food in my refrigerator.
@Marlebean: For as long as that song was, you'd think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once...
@iAmDelFreaky: Me: How are you doing? Is our date starting to feel a bit awkward?
Her: Yeah, a little...
Me: I was talking to my mom!
Mom: No, I'm fine.