@notittryagain: The labels on prescription bottles are just suggestions, like speed limits.
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@stephpaulus: Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius.
@QwertyJones3: I live in fear of my kids going outside when it's raining, because they could get wet and multiply.
@DominicStraw: "No! Don't go into the church! Nooo!" "Honey, what movie are you watching?" "Our wedding video."