@notittryagain: The labels on prescription bottles are just suggestions, like speed limits.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ForEllieSylvia: Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I've been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?
@StellaRtwot: I never make my guests take their shoes off at the door because it takes them longer to get out when I want them to leave.
@Brianhopecomedy: I know I did a good job dressing my 3 year old when my wife doesn't have to tell everyone she sees that I dressed her.
@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM