@rachaelkelly18: The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today
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@NotBachibawlz: I yelled at my wife "Your miniskirt is way too short!!" "Thats because its made for a woman" she replied "Now take it off & give it to me"
@SuperApple8: Me: BARTENDER! Bring me another beer. Him: Mom, I'm doing my homework. Me: *claps* Star! Him: I hate Twitter. Me: *belch* blocked.
@mrjohndarby: Me: My son's goldfish died. What should I do? Him: Just flush him down the toilet Me: Gotcha. And the fish?