@JD_KC: The lady helping my wife design a dining room table handed me a note reading "blink if you're being held against your will"
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@DanMentos: *passive aggressively turns off Christmas lights when someone stops too long to look at them*
@Area51eh: This no more tears shampoo sucks. I've been feeding it to my friends kid and he's still crying. nnnnMust be doing something wrong.
@Reverend_Scott: You excited to watch the Super Bowl? "Ya, but only cuz the commercials." [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]