@JD_KC: The lady helping my wife design a dining room table handed me a note reading "blink if you're being held against your will"
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@TheTweetOfGod: "Scientology" is a combination of "scient-," meaning "science," and "-ology," meaning "science." And it just gets stupider from there.
@kelkulus: For Earth Day, turn on your air conditioner and open your doors and windows. If we all work together, we can totally cool this planet.
@causticbob: Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro's grave.. Must be a communist plot.
@Robert_Beau: The reason that there are so many tweets about cats is that people with dogs go outside.