@JD_KC: The lady helping my wife design a dining room table handed me a note reading "blink if you're being held against your will"
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@TFriss: If you watch Harry Potter backwards, Voldemort is really good at zapping people back to life and turning Harry into a baby.
@mrtruthandsoul: No, I don't need a bag; I'm gonna juggle this 12 pack, this bag of ice and this whole roasted chicken on my unicycle while whistling Dixie.
@_mindflakes: Doctor: We need to double your meds Me: Will I still be able to knit little capes for my hamster? Doctor: We need to triple your meds