@Deurb1: The lady in front of me wearing yoga pants keeps bending over to pick up quarters, hope she will for dimes too, as I'm out of quarters.
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@pleatedjeans: [Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD
@TheBigBatman: Wife left a note on the fridge it says "It's not working, gone to my mom's" I opened it and opened a beer, it's cold, the fridge works fine?
@Roweboat13G: I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
@FattMernandez: I hate horror movies where everything goes back to normal at the end. You just had a demon inside you, but yeah, let's go for pancakes.