@Kennedydp5: The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from
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@murrman5: [overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he's always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?
@LindaInDisguise: Coworker: What was your college major? Me: How to avoid student-loan debt, with a minor in teen pregnancy.