@Tups13: The laminator is a device that sounds a lot more dangerous to baby sheep than it actually is.
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@GrandadJFreeman: My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba.
@theshantilly: Me: Go ahead. Waiter: Huh? Me: You're staring at my hair. Go ahead & touch it. Waiter: There's a leaf in it.
@JohnLyonTweets: *approaches woman in club* Me: Would you like to dance? Her: Sure. Me: While you're dancing can I sit in your chair? I'm really tired.
@OutOnTheMoors: How does an eyelash, so soft and fine, turn into a cheese-grater when it gets under your eyelid?