@just1fool: The last beer didn't tell me why life is so confusing but it told me the next one would.
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@Prero22: I have a splitting headache today. Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me.
@Rollinintheseat: Friend: "This is the year I'm going to marry my best friend." Me: "This is the year I'm going to train my dog to come when I call him."
@Sean_Burgundy_: My 40 yard dash time: 5.5 My 40 yard dash time after seeing my gf with my phone in her hands: 4.3