@just1fool: The last beer didn't tell me why life is so confusing but it told me the next one would.
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@dixie_dupree: Hell is full of ugly babies, tinkerbell tshirts and fat women debating the tastiness of frozen meals.....oh wait. This is just walmart
@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.
@Los01001111: *goes to Australia *sees hot girl *asks if she wants to be my first mate *winks forever *gets punched down under