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@ImFunnyMang: The last human alive will get no funeral.
@Brampersandon_: *takes bite of cookie*
Aw man this is awful
*takes another bite*
Still bad. But I better eat the rest to see if it gets better
@jimmytorosian: What idiot called them "cannibals" and not "humanitarians"?
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: You wouldn't believe the day-
*puts TV remote to my ear*
Hello? Hey Bob-
[hand covering remote]
-sorry honey, I have to take this.
@NickSwardson: I hope this year they have the courage to legalize diarrhea.
@simoncholland: Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?