@ImFunnyMang: The last human alive will get no funeral.
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@dafloydsta: [at the gym] ME: Hey, can you spot me? GUY: Sure, which machine? ME: *gestures to vending machine* Right over there
@savvystrider: The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.
@GrantTanaka: astronauts be acting like they’re so cool, as if we didn’t know at least 60 dogs and monkeys went to space before them
@TeejayRush: Reasons to not go camping No.154: People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...