@sammyrhodes: 1. Ask for something. 2. Throw it down. 3. Repeat steps 1 & 2. - Toddler To Do List

@timdonakowski: Pee your name in the snow and you'll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools.

@DranoRaul: People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it

@alfageeek: 9: My room is clean. Me: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

@nice_mustard: when super mario bros. was released in russia it was much less popular under the title "you are toilet man fight turtle monster"