@withanewname: The last time I danced at a party, someone told me I looked like a wildebeest on a frozen lake.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler. Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire. Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes.
@KalvinMacleod: Their palms are sweaters, knees sweatery, arms are sweaters. There's more sweater on their sweater already.
@Adam14: Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!