@Neauxpe: The last time I wore a red shirt, I went to Target and laid off 8 people in the morning team huddle.
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@hazelmotes1: Why does everyone have to point out they adopted their dog? Are they worried that we are suspicious because it doesn't look like them?
@KyleMcDowell86: [job interview] "What's your biggest weakness?" "My honesty" "I don't think-" "I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night"
@decentbirthday: judge: we hereby find you guilty of parrot smuggling me: this is bullshit *from jacket* this is bullshit
@lawblob: if you love something set it free. except Shamu.. we all love Shamu but he must be imprisoned forever