@man_spach: The last time Twitter was down I realized it didn't take 6 hours to poop.
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@Bdell1014: Having a crush on someone is so exciting. You know you'll end up ruining things like you always do, but how? The possibilities are endless.
@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
@WritePlay: "What an awesome body-" Oh... thanks. I work out- "- of research." - formulas. I work out formulas. *sips tea* I do a lot of math.
@murrman5: [ten seconds into tv interview where my identity is being protected] camera guy: don't try to disguise your own voice, let the machine do it